World of insanity and cute evil!

Current Mood: depressed

I need to figure something out sooner than later, before I ultimately become afflicted with whatever consumed Dumi, given the things he said to me before he died all hit a bit too close to home as far as truths went...

My life is in shambles, and as much as I hide the facts or attempt to boast my way over current events, I'm at the bottom of the barrel currently. I have a job that's a joke, since I was given two promotion oppurtunities within the company, but they both have a far greater demand than I currently have, and one had a 10 cent raise per hour, and the other was removed as a chance for me after I asked about the pay benefits. My job also has cut my hours since I turned down the 10 cent raise and promotion bit by a fair amount, and they also have turned a week or two ordeal to get my direct deposit into effect into an endless waiting game now. To retaliate, I do Homer Simpson's Mantra of instead of striking or quitting my job, I just come in and do it half assed every day, since that's the American Way, but being late for over 33 days in a row doesn't seem to affect these people...

As far as my Family Life goes, me and my Mother don't bother at all, even though we're in the same vicinity for the first time basically in my life, and the only time we really talk is whenever either of us leaves our TV or Computers and bump into each other in the main house. She's fixed it mostly where people aren't thinking we're doing an elaborate drug cartel business from the house, but there's still a few worthless flesh sacks that pop in now and then, but that's when I usually standby ready with a knife, since ganking someone in broad daylight by jumping out of nowhere isn't a bad plan of action when you're clueless, and only topped in sheer fun when you do it by executing the operation with a spoon and stabbing them with the bottom tip, since getting stabbed with a blunt object hurts, yo. Also had a Great Aunt nearly die, which prompted my Mother to leave for a week, and then a week after she returned, my Great Grandmother died, and everyone in my family but me left to mourn. I had to stay behind since it was determined I couldn't afford to take time from my job to mourn the loss of a family member, which caused even me to break down into tears in public on the clock, since that was basically the ultimate sign that I'm crashing into a brick wall... Now I'm just biding my time until my predictions about who dies next in my family comes true, so I can execute plans that I've had in the works for those events. Probably going to lose everything upon the next death, though, so guess that's when I'm just SoL and probably down for the count for good depending on how it goes. Not sure, going to have to wait and see what blows up, since the next death sets off a chain reaction event.

On the Friends front, it's all quiet. After Dumi talked to me out of the blue about Suicide, and never returned afterwords, it's unnerved me. If some stupid person that wasn't going anywhere in their life came to me about such a thing, I would have been bitter and pushed them over the edge for the thrill and power in taking another's life... But in the case of Dumi... He was actually SMART, and worthwhile as a person. He'd give you whatever he had if he felt he could spare it and it'd make you happier. I personally advised him to just wait things out, and gave him strong encouragement that things would get better with time. Since I'll admit that I was never overly fond of him, I didn't notice until about a week and a half later after that incident that he wasn't on AIM. After extensive poking about, and learning that he gave away all his belongings, as he mentioned in an earlier chat with me, and leaving a near endless supply of messages on his cellphone with my number and messages of encouragement, it doesn't take even a slow person to put two and two together for that answer... So in the end, the one time I really try, the unexpected and unexplained happened, and someone dies due to my intervention. Grand. Most of my faith in myself is basically shot at the moment, since if it was someone like... say... Sky, who offed themself, then hey, easy answer to a question that didn't really need one to begin with. But in Dumi's case... It's made me question my own mortaltiy, coupled with what his logic and true reasoning was behind it. What happened to him after he died? Why did he did he actually do it after I told him not to? How did he get the Hell and Guts up to actually pull it off? Will I see him whenever I die, or is he in some Purgatory or some other place now? If so on that case, is it even possible to conjure him up and to get some form of a pact made? Hey, don't knock on someone that's crazy with options, since being a Spirit Medium has some perks at points >>;

Love Life is null and void and died long ago. All I ever find is girls with dicks or girls that want their own dicks, or else they have a dick attitude, so meh. Since I'm such an eccentric person, pairing me up with anyone succesfully seems impossible, or else people have the wrong ideas, and it's just setting up a bomb in the end. So many people with such high hope and faith I placed in them, and so many burns and over the top reactions from them. I should just slap together a robot and just declare I'm a technophile, since that wouldn't really blow minds or anything at this point in the game, and I'm sure she wouldn't object to this or that, let alone attempt to dictate my actions or validate her own self opinions and worth in an endless struggle that never needed to be.

Finances are shot. Best way to put it. Cost of living is outrageous here in the South, hence I constantly kept going north and to places like WA in the past. Milk costs $4.19 a gallon, Tostino Pizzas that I used to get for $1 up north are about $1.40-$1.50 here. Cereals and such can run about $5-$6 on average, and a light lunch that isn't going to make you bloat up like a whale or kill you from so much glucose intake costs about $6, which is more than it did up north. Heck, at least up north I was making a dollar or more an hour than here, and lunches were worth it. I usually make $120-$150ish a week on average, and pay $50 a week for bills, and then whatever is left is for food and other obligations, but when it costs $30ish or so a week to eat for a single person, that adds up pretty quick...

My health has taken a good hit, as it's becoming clear from how many fevers, headaches, and nausea incidents I have anymore that I'm not doing too well. My bones are getting a bit stiff nowadays, which isn't too good, but I can still pop them to relieve pressure that has built up, so outside of the sick feeling that induces initially, the release feels nice. Somehow during my sleep a few weeks ago, I ended up hurting the left side of my jaw, and now it doesn't sit quite right from the feel of it. It's crunching and grinding like the rest of my bones and joints now, but something doesn't feel quite right about the pressure in it...

So yeah, long story short, I'm basically at my wits end, and losing it all together. I can hold on still, but my own advice to wait it out and see what comes seems to be a bit of a fallicious statement in the coming time, since it just looks like I'll keep working a dead end job with no real satisfaction save for a few things I splurge money on that amuse for a tiny bit, until I ultimately work myself to death or to whatever comes after a Euphoric Insanity... Given I'm already clearly insane, but the good kind where I can see the greater picture of things and not be bound by typical logic patterns or have emotions overly affect certain things, since I haven't mauled anyone yet, though I've certainly come close in the past few weeks to doing such actions.